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All you want to know about Russian women for marriage but never asked. Why women from Russia seek husbands abroad? Can Russian ladies speak English? Is it true that most of Russian women seeking men are prostitutes or ex-prostitutes? And more... |
Russian women FAQ, part 1 |
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Why Russian women seek husbands abroad? If you ask women this question, the answers will be:
All the statements are true in some extent. In the same time none of them gives you a real reason. The real and fundamental reason why women look for a life partner abroad is that they are not happy in their love life. It's that simple! A married woman, even if she is struggling with everyday surviving and not happy with Russian family model, won't go for divorce to look for a foreign husband. Russian women want to love and be loved. Security and better life go as a part of the package. For more details on this matter see Myth 5. Are Russian women's personalities different from Western women? Yes, they are a bit different. They don't have a different type of character, and they also love shopping and chatting. They are human beings and they are definitely not perfect. The main difference is that they are much more patient and can tolerate things that Western women will never be able to bear. They are more considerate and dependable. They are partners, not competitors. Another important difference is that Russian women (and Russians in general) have very low self-esteem. While Western women think that they are goddesses and able to cope with anything on their own, a Russian woman will rarely leave a bad (really bad) husband because of the fear that she won't find another one. For many years the state and men have been oppressing them, and they don't think much about themselves. Russian women are well groomed, stylish and intelligent (as Russians in general) but they pay much less attention to sport and other aspects of healthy life-style. Nevertheless, they are rarely overweight - probably, because of permanent stress and food that is expensive. And they still walk a lot because they don't have cars. You can state clearly from the very beginning that you are interested in establishing friendship first. The majority of the women seeking partners do expect more, but if they decide to keep contact with you, it will mean that they accept your position. There is nothing wrong with your position, and if you don't feel ready for starting a long term relationship right now, you may try to start with friendship. Be aware though, that a lady can accept somebody else's offer, even if she really likes you, just because she is not sure about your intentions. Can Russian women speak English? Most of the ladies who apply to dating agencies can at least read and understand English. About 25% can speak some English, and probably 10% speak good English. In bigger cities like Moscow and St Petersburg more people speak English. What kind of a sense of humor do Russian women generally have? Do they laugh a lot or very little? Russians have a great sense of humor, otherwise they won't be able to survive in this country. They laugh about things instead of complaining. Though they smile little at the streets and in everyday life, it's not because they have no sense of humor, but because they do not usually smile without a reason. If you meet somebody's sight, she will usually just look back but never smile, as in Russia it's not appropriate to smile to strangers. The sense of humor they have is also different. Russians prefer very fine type of jokes, with indirect humor that westerners would describe as dry. Russians do not find it funny when somebody falls or the like, and they consider many western comedies being silly. Loud laughing at background in sitcoms they find irritating and stupid. When somebody makes a joke or tells a funny story, he will usually do it with very serious expression on the face, and he will spoil everything if laughs with others. There are some particular cultural differences between women from different countries of the former Soviet Union but in general all information on my site is applicable to women from all the countries. The differences are not significant. Ukrainian women are more outgoing and open, Russians are more reserved. In the same time Ukrainian wife is more likely to argue about the things than Russian. But of course the most depends on personality not nationality. Would a Russian lady be interested in living in a small town? The majority of Russian ladies seem to be rather cosmopolitan. The reason is that in Russia living in a small town or village is a nightmare. There are very poor life conditions, dirtiness, no entertainment, no goods to buy, even TV reception may be not available. Russian ladies do not know and understand the difference between small towns in Russia and abroad, and they just have this instinctive fear towards small towns. My advise is to use the following tactics when writing your letters to ladies:
What Russian women think about interracial marriages? They simply do not think about them. The majority of Russian women won't consider an interracial marriage. As you know, there are no people of African origin in Russia, so ladies do not put the requirement about race on their lists. For them it's natural that they consider themselves applying only to men of their race. There are native inhabitants of Asian race in Russia (Bashkir, Bouryat, Koreans and others), and this type of interracial marriages was not uncommon in the past and still takes place. They don't talk about interracial marriages, it's not an issue there. Russians are proud that they don't have racial problems. There is no prejustice towards such marriages. They don't condemn somebody else's marriage to a person of a different race. In the same time women seldom will consider it as a personal option. According to my questionnaire, about 85% of ladies would like to meet a white man; 10% will consider a man of Asian origin, and 5% don't mind about a race of their future partner. Will you loose time pursuing marriage to a lady from Russia if you are not white? It depends. For Russian ladies, if you look white, you are white. They do not separate Hispanic and whites. They are afraid of Arabs, but mostly because of differences in religion (Russians are Christians). They adore mulattos, especially of the lighter color. American and Europeans would have much better chance then a colored man from Africa. Quite a few ladies will consider a man of Asian origin as an option, though you've got less chances than a white guy, and you will have to try harder. I also know about successful relationship black/multiracial men had with ladies from Russia. So, it is possible, but be ready that some women will reject you because of the race. A good idea may be a personal ad in Russia. Just make your requirements clear, so you will receive responses only from the ladies who meet them. There are many ladies in Russia in their 40th who will be interested in you yourself. (Just do not consider finding a 20-year-old girl - you can find one, but your marriage will rarely last longer than 2 years...) It's almost impossible for a woman over 40 to find a marriage partner in Russia. Men whether have been already married, or they are not able to be husbands because of poor health condition or alcohol addiction. Many women apply to agencies hoping to find a husband - somewhere... You may also consider a way of contacting ladies who signed up with local marriage agencies - actually about 70% of Russian local marriage agencies clients are women over 35. You will seldom find their data on the Internet as most of men dream about meeting 25-year-old beauties, and agencies try to satisfy the demand. (See Myth 1 for details). Is it true that most of Russian women seeking men are prostitutes or ex-prostitutes? NO, IT IS NOT TRUE. I have answered this question in Myth 3 of the section Myths and Reality, but I have been asked again and again. THEY ARE NOT PROSTITUTES OR EX-PROSTITUTES. Probably a few simple things will make you thinking. Reason #1 To be a prostitute, there must be clients who are able to pay for having sex. But with Russian reality almost nobody has enough money for this type of expense. The one who has money doesn't have problems with women - they will love to make an acquaintance with a well-to-do guy. Probably the only place in Russia where a hooker can make some money for a living is Moscow - there are many visitors with money. In regional cities there are nobody who is able and willing to pay for having sex. Reason #2. In Russia there are so many women available, you don't need to pay to make love. Reason #3. An educated intelligent woman - and most of Russian women seeking partners ARE intelligent and well educated - will never even think about this way of making living. There are some agencies on the Net offering escort services, but it's a completely different story. You will be told straight away that it's an escort and the price is corresponding. The vast majority of Internet dating agencies make their best to stay away from the women like those. I actually doubt that even 1% of the women featured by dating agencies may happen to be prostitutes or ex-prostitutes. Another thing that can confuse men - Russian women have completely different style of dressing, and a decent woman can look like a girl from Hollywood boulevard. Russian women are very fond of short skirts and makeup, that's it, no hidden agenda. For them it's impossible to understand how a woman can dress like the most of females over there - jeans, T-shirt and trainers. Is it true that nearly 80 percent of Russian women smoke? No, it's not true. Some of Russian women do smoke but not more than 5-10%. In the large cities like Moscow or St Petersburg, the percentage can be probably about 15%. Why the majority of Russian women featured by agencies are looking for much older husbands? It's true that many of Russian ladies' ads state that they do not mind to meet a man of much older age (a 25-year-old woman usually is searching for 25-45 yo man, or doesn't specify any age limit). But if you see an ad stating that a 25 yo lady wants to meet a man of 40-60 years old, there is definitely something wrong. The possible reasons why it looks like Russian ladies dream about much older husbands:
It's possible for a man to find a younger lady, and even MUCH younger. My opinion is that 10-15 years difference is the limit, otherwise you will face problems at a later stage. What about stories of ladies coming to the US and leaving shortly after the marriage? It may happen. Not that often as media say, but it is a fact of reality. The biggest danger of the myths the dating agencies spread is that they make men hope that a young beautiful Russian lady will love an old unattractive American guy just because he lives in a better country and can guarantee her security. Some 50-year-old men dream about a 18-year-old girl, find her, marry, and then say that Russian women just want to get into the country. They would have never been in such a situation if pursued marriage to a woman 35+. In Russia people don't live decently, and some women are ready for everything to live a better life. Once in relationship with a foreign guy, a woman feels happy to be loved and cared, and grateful for changing her life for the better. She may even feel in love when it's just a temporary intoxication. Russian women are used to sacrifice themselves for children, and if she has a child, she can agree to almost anything to ensure he is safe, has food and money for education. A woman can be unhappy in her marriage and still feel lucky to have a better than average life standards. Russian woman is entitled to feel happy if her husband does not drink and has a good job, nobody talks about love, it's not important. If a woman has a rich husband (a person owing a car, a flat, and earning more than $400 a month), people will think she is crazy or stupid if leaving him for love. But good standards of living are everything only for poverty-ridden. When women are in the country like USA, their attitude changes very quickly. Love and rewarding sexual life are important conditions of happiness. A lady probably was not going to divorce her older husband from the very beginning, but at a later stage she starts to feel miserable and realize that she plugged herself into a worse situation than she was previously in. It's two different worlds, not just two different cultures. A professor from one of American universities told me that he met on the board of his plane to Russia a couple of men who flue for a "marriage tour". He characterized them as "bad". He said they were arrogant, obviously had problems with health, and were drinking too much. One of them complained that he was married previously to a Russian woman but she left him a year after the marriage. The professor said he felt sorry - for the woman, because she had stayed with this man for the whole year. He said that he would run away from him in a couple of days if he were she. And this guy was intending to find another lady for marriage in Russia - again, 20-30 years younger. It's where the stories about Russian women looking for nothing but Green Card start. It's important that you both love each other, otherwise your marriage won't work. A woman can say "I love you" when she doesn't, it's just another Russian women's feature. They are not able to refuse when a man insists. You must not fool yourself. You will always feel if it's a true feeling. I believe none of women will prefer to get married to just divorce her husband in 2 years (the necessary time for receiving Green Card), if she can get married for love. Russians are surprisingly non-materialistic when it's about true love. You may think that I am not consistent saying that, but the truth is that Russians are not consistent. They think by hearts and feelings. They can have beliefs but act in the opposite way because of feelings. They will follow their decisions made by mind until true feelings get involved. (It's why sometimes westerners think that Russians are irrational. They are rational but in their own way.) A successful marriage can be based only on love and mutual respect nevertheless if it's a Russian woman or a Western one. Your foreign citizenship can make you more attractive for Russian ladies but it can't make your marriage more successful. Russian women make good wives - that's true, but only if she wants to be your wife. There may be a few reasons why ladies do not answer promptly but it's rarely because of lack of money. (More about it in the section Using email of Russian women secrets). It is good to offer covering ladies' expenses for email services - the amount a lady spends for receiving 1 message is not more than $1, and for sending - about $2 or less. I believe, almost any single woman in Russia needs a financial help, but she will probably refuse to take money from you. The average monthly salary in Russia is about $60. If she works for the government, she may receive salary with 2-12 months delay (more about it in the section Russians). There are many different types of visas a person can get for coming to USA but for a single young woman the only one she can get considerably easy is a fiancйe visa. All the other visitors' visas are very difficult to obtain including the tourist visa. If a lady has very good income (more than $500 a month), some property in Russia and a child staying behind, and SHE CAN PROVE IT, she will probably be able to get a tourist visa. If she does not meet the criteria, she can't hope to get the visa. She will be refused in visa 99%, and once it happened, it will make more difficult for her to apply for a visa next time. If she tries any trick with the consulate, she may be blacklisted. I have heard about cases when women came to USA with a different type of visa (student's or another) and were turned back by INC representatives right in the airport. If you have not met in person before, it will be impossible to get the only type of visa she should use for coming to you - a fiancйe visa. If it's a problem for you to travel that far, you may consider a possibility to meet somewhere else - on one of the islands where she does not need visa to come (Caribbean or any other close by). Some men still write to me and ask again: "You stated that is difficult for a Russian woman to visit the US and Canada. I checked the information page for US visas and it seemed pretty routine to get a tourist visa for the US. An invitation, proof of property, employment, children in Russia, and return trip ticket. Did I miss something?" They probably think that the procedure is the same for a guy from, for example, France, and a single woman from Eastern Europe. I can tell you that US embassy is very concerned about single women from Eastern Europe visiting States on tourist visas. Very often they don't return. Too often. So you can try to apply for a tourist visa, and check yourself what thousands US men already know - for an unmarried woman from Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan etc a tourist visa is more than very difficult to obtain. Some men even talked to Embassy, and they confirmed she can apply for a tourist visa. The lady does, it takes 3-6 months to collect all necessary papers, then they wait 2-3 months again for decision, and eventually the visa is refused. It will frustrate your lady up to the limit, and she will be about to give up. Better believe me! The correct way of bringing a woman into US (Canada) is fiancee visa that requires your personal meeting before the time. You can receive more information about fiancee visas here. What would it cost to have a Russian girl travel here? To have a Russian girl travel to USA will cost the price of return air ticket - of course, if you manage to get a visitors visa for her that is almost impossible (see above). You may find out about the price for return ticket from Moscow at any travel agency. A return ticket to Moscow from a Russian city where a girl is staying will cost US $40-200. To go from Russia to the US will cost also about $500-1000, depending on the company and tariff. There may be some discounts or specials for tickets from US if it's not a pick season, but not from Russia. Tickets from Russia always cost the same, they never offer specials. Is it true that some Russians don't like people from US or Canada? No, it's not. Russians love foreigners and feel ununderstandable for foreigners respect to them. Why is alcohol abuse in Russia pervasive? Can I don't drink when offered? Alcohol is the only affordable solution to have some fun and get rid of hard reality of everyday fight for surviving. The other things like gyms, travel, arts, concerts etc are too expensive. It's also always was a part of culture, and skills to drink a lot and not get drunk are considered to be a part of "the real man" image. You don't have to drink, if you don't wan to. You may say that you are sick and use medicine that does not allow using any alcohol, or just make a sip and put your glass back. Or just say that you are strongly against of drinking - Russians are aware that many foreigners are not 100% in their heads ;-) Will I get a hassle from government when visit Russia? It's not a Soviet Union and the times of cold war. The government doesn't care about foreign tourists anymore, they have too many things to think of. It depends on you - how expensive your habits are, on the period you are going to stay and on the city you are visiting. Moscow and St. Petersburg are very expensive. You may hope it will be enough to have about US $100 for a day in cash or travel checks. Anyway, you should have your credit card with you - Russia is unpredictable, and you may need some extra money. Make sure that all your travel arrangements are prepaid, and book through a well-established travel agency. A return ticket to Moscow will cost you about $500-1000 depending on air company and season. As for Russians, they receive average monthly salaries of about US $60, and still manage to survive. New FAQ - The frequently asked questions, page 2.
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