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101 advice on Russian women: What Russian ladies are looking for? What age difference is acceptable? Why she will be interested in YOU ? Russian female names, wedding protocol, how dating agencies operate, life stories AND MORE... |
Russian Women Secrets |
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So you are looking for a Russian wife? Whatever the reasons for this obviously unconventional decision, you'd better learn a bit before you start. You should clearly understand all stages you have to go through to marry a Russian woman, and create your own strategy to ensure success. Think ahead and be guided by the old truth: to find the right partner you must be the right partner yourself. These articles briefly describe some practical rules that will simplify and improve your personal adventure. The advise below is based on the personal experiences of quite a few couples who met this way, and now are successfully married. Try to choose the ways that are acceptable for you - do not think of the techniques described as hard-and-fast, but rather as a guide. Forget all the stories that dating agencies are spreading about marrying a Russian girl. Yes, you can find a woman 30 years younger, and even can marry her, but your marriage will rarely last for more than 2 years - the necessary time for receiving the Green Card. The majority of Russian women seeking western men are NOT desperate to find husbands. They are usually well educated, attractive and relatively smart. Normally, women from Russia are looking for healthy, financially secure, attractive guys. Very few of them are dreaming to get married to homeless, ugly men with bad character and health problems who struggle with everyday survival. Personally, I've never in my life met such an example but I assume that crazy individuals may exist. If 5-6 years ago any foreigner could easily find a beautiful young intelligent lady 30 years younger than him, who was eager to become his wife, those times has passed forever. You may agree with this fact, or disagree, or fight against of it, but it won't change the reality: your foreign passport alone does not ensure your success with Russian ladies. What is the most important for Russian ladies? Many websites will tell you the same thing that I am going to say now: SECURITY and LOVE. Those two things are the most important. I read hundreds of lady's forms with requirements to a potential partner, and al most all of them say: "I want my future husband to love and understand me." The most popular requirement you will see in women's questionnaires is "financially secure". In short, it means, you must have - at least - a stable job and be able to provide for a family of 3. You don't have to have a six-figure annual income. Having a stable job is good enough; but the better your financial situation, the easier you will make contacts with nice Russian ladies, and the less hassle you will get from the INS in bringing your fiancйe into the country. IN NO WAY DOES THIS MEAN THAT RUSSIAN WOMEN ARE AFTER YOUR MONEY. Definitely not! However, women have suffered so much in Russia with everyday surviving, they want to make sure it never happens to them and their families again. A Russian wife will stick to you through any turn of fortune, whether you go bankrupt or hit a jackpot. But to consider you a viable possibility, she must be confident that you are not an unemployed hobo. Your good financial standing may impress women at first, but then the other factors will count: you must develop a relationship that works, and this engages mostly emotional factors. I know many cases when a woman refused a guy with a 500K income in favor of an ordinary teacher, because she liked him more personally. From the sidelines it may seem stupid, but I would probably do the same if I were her. Your wealth or handsome appearance will possibly even have a negative effect. I know cases when a woman did not try to pursue an acquaintance to a rich, good-looking guy who was highly interested in her just because she didn't consider herself good enough. It seemed to her too good to be true, and made her feel insecure. What age difference is acceptable for Russian ladies? 5-15 years difference is perfectly normal. I personally know a few couples who married under these conditions. The age difference between spouses I know is 9, 10, 12, 13 and 18 years. They are all women who have not been married previously, and did not have children. The age difference between my husband and I is 13 years. Many of my clients said they were surprised at receiving letters from attractive professional women (doctors, economists, accountants) 10-15 years younger than they. In the U.S.A., this age gap is beyond reality. In your search for a Russian wife, it is not. I think one of the reasons is that women in Russia grow wise at a younger age, and having a relationship with a foreign man of their own age is like having affair with a teenager. Difficulties in life make people thoughtful, in the same way that age does. The age difference also adds to their feeling of security. From the other hand, you must not have unrealistic expectations. If you are in your late 50's or 60's, you must not expect to find a 20-year old single girl. Many wonderful, attractive ladies in their late 30s or 40s will be eager to make your acquaintance; half of marriage agencies' female clients belong to this age group, and you won't have problems with attracting their attention. This is realistic. In special cases if you are very good looking, or very intelligent/rich/famous, you can make it with an age difference of 20 years or more. But it will be an exception, not the rule. If your aim is a lifetime commitment, be sure to take age issues into consideration. Dating agencies love to tell stories about Russian ladies preferring much older husbands, and that it won't affect your marriage; but that's exactly what these tales are - stories. I believe you are big enough to face reality and resist the temptation to pursue myths. A reasonable age difference is 5-15 years - up to 20. Be lead by common sense, and don't let yourself be fooled by young entrepreneurs from the matrimonial industry. First of all, you must understand that each Russian woman has her own character and what is perfect for one won't work for another. You should decide for yourself what you are looking for in a woman, which personal qualities are a must and what you will never accept. What kind of person would you like to meet - a partygoer, a sportswoman, a housewife? Must she be an introvert or an extrovert? Try to imagine her behavior in different situations. Think about the person you will feel comfortable with. You must have her image in your mind. When you look through catalogues, pay special attention to women's professions. The profession she chose may say a lot about her. People with the same occupation usually have many things in common. Also look at her choice of education - it is what she chose herself. Keep in mind that her current job may simply be a result of circumstances. Decide from the beginning about the age, educational level and location of your future mate. If you choose women from the same city, you will be able to see a few of them when you visit Russia. Be wary if your age difference is more than 20 years, or the woman's interests are completely different from yours. Don't fool yourself, even if it works out, you may (actually, 99% of the time you will) face problems in the future. I believe that most problems with Russian-American marriages originate with the man's internal desire to believe the myths - they don't face the realities. At the very least, you must have something in common that will cement your marriage. In particular, it is NOT true that Russian women prefer much older husbands (See Myth 6 for details). Younger girls usually don't have serious intentions of finding a husband abroad - for them, it's mostly a game. She may fall in love with a Russian guy the day before you come to visit her. Women starting from about 25 years of age are more serious, especially if they have a child. The women who have applied to local Russian marriage agencies are more serious than the ones who just sent their data to Internet dating services, particularly the ones that allow anyone to place her profile for free. The less you pay for the addresses, the higher the chance that the database is out of date, though high prices are not insurance against scammers. You can find sites of local Russian marriage agencies on the Web, too. Many of them will let you contact women for free, with no payment at all or buying only addresses of the women who positively responded to your first letter.However, some of them may require payment for correspondence at a later stage. The advantage of Russian-based agencies is that they are close to their clients, and know all of them personally. At the same time, it's difficult to check if the agency is trustworthy and not one of the "scam" agencies duplicating themselves every week with new addresses. Even having the phone number and postal address of the agency as featured on their contact page cannot insure you against scammers. Using an unknown Russian-based agency is always a gamble. In some cases dealing with real Russian-based agencies may be a heartbreaking experience. Often Russian-based agencies ask girls to respond to all letters just to get money from men, even if a lady doesn't like the guy. I was a member of one of them, and the agency asked me to invite a guy I did not like but who liked me very much to come to Russia. They said, "You will be doing him a favor, we will find him a wife anyway once he is here." I refused to help in such an arrangement, but I am not sure the guy did not receive an invitation from "me"… At the same time the agency was very strict in featuring women's data - you had to provide identification and verify your address and phone number before they accepted you. Agencies may use a letter that a woman wrote to one of her correspondents and send this respond to all her applicants without her knowledge. This type of letters is known as a 'scam' letter. All the same, the girls are real, and truly want to find husbands. When you write to a lady from one of the Russian-based agencies, ask her for a phone number and street address in the very first letter,font> and do it somewhere in the middle of your message, so an agency will not be able to cut this phrase out. You may also mention that you would love to receive her hand-written letter with photos. If she disregards this message, and you don't receive anything for more than 6 weeks, it may be an agency scam or she is not really interested in you. Western-based agencies can also feature scammers, sometimes even unaware that they are doing it. The majority of agencies are genuinely assisting men in their search, and they do their best to prevent such cases. They require reporting scammers or any other attempt of receiving money, and delete data of those girls from their database. The advantage of Western-based agencies is that they are able to accumulate numerous applications from women, and offer you a good choice. At the same time, however, they may fail to check the submitted data, and their databases grow too large to be handled properly, with many women posted who are already unavailable. When you use Western based agencies, always choose ladies whose data was submitted not longer than 1 month ago. The thing is, after a lady has been featured by an Internet agency, she receives 10-15 letters a week. Your chance to attract her attention after 1 month, when she has already exchanged quite a few letters with men, are doubtful. Some more precautions: According a Russian photographer, there are companies in the West who run scam agencies, and make professional shootings in Russia. Models are invited to pose, with 3-5 pictures and videos of each girl done. They use professional make-up and changes of clothing, so pictures look different. PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME CORRECTLY. I am not trying to persuade you to use western agencies instead of local ones, or vise versa, or against the use of agencies in general. Both serve their purpose, and without agencies men and women would struggle to find each other. You simply must be aware of the facts and the techniques that dishonest people use playing on your genuine desire to find a soul mate. Better to take precautions than end up heartbroken. The best advice is: when you deal with agencies, do not fall for pretty pictures. Very often women with poor quality photos are more beautiful in real life. Look deep inside them. Don't judge a book by it's cover! A good idea is to let women contact you directly, especially if you are a bit shy or afraid of rejection. In this case you receive information "first hand" - unedited, unrestricted, and – what's most important - from women who are already interested in you. Place your personal ad in Russian newspapers and other introduction avenues, like gentlemen's catalogues or agencies listings. Many local agencies will accept your personal info for distribution to their clients for free, the others will ask a modest fee. (You must be aware of free listings REAL costs: most often you will be required to pay for the letters that arrive in response to your ad; and the costs may be MUCH higher than if you initially paid for the listing.) If you are serious about finding a Russian wife, spend more time when choosing. Make sure you have a broad choice.(If you are not serious, don't start at all.) It's the least costly stage, and a wrong choice may plunge you into huge expenses. Imagine yourself coming back from Russia after you found out that the woman you met is a completely different person than she was in her letters. Use all possible ways of searching: agencies, personal ads, gentlemen's catalogues. If you are just thinking about seeking a Russian bride, think twice. It's a time, money and energy consuming venture. Speeding up your correspondence Most Russian women do not have access to the Internet and email. You will probably have to use snail mail to contact them. It will take 2-3 weeks for a letter sent via regular mail to reach its destination in Russia. The fastest responses you can get in 1 month, usually it takes up to 1.5 months. Speed is of great importance in you contacts with Russian ladies. A woman may have a few pen-pals, and your relationship development or dead end will depend upon the speed of your correspondence. If you have exchanged only 2 letters for 2 months whilst she has received and answered 10 letters from another guy, the result is easy to predict. You can use a courier service for sending letters; it will take 4-6 days to reach a destination in Russia. In this case, you've got a chance to include something extra in the envelope for the same price - a card, a booklet about your city, a flower from your garden. Russian girls experience a permanent lack of romance, so feel free to express yourself! Better still, use an email-forwarding service for sending your first letters (your dating agency will usually provide one). It is reasonably cheap, and it will significantly speed up your correspondence. Send a hard copy of your letter via snail mail - you will need it if things work out and you have to deal with the INS. Save hard copies of all ladies' letters, too. Using email-forwarding services for a long time may became quite a costly exercise. If your lady is not computer and Internet savvy, she will probably be afraid to start using email services on her own. You may try to teach her how to use email, and ask her to find a place with access to the Internet. Try to emphasize all the advantages of using email. Explain that you can't wait to hear from her. If you have already used email forwarding, she will understand better that using email will help your relationship. Ask a lady to respond promptly. It is normal for Russian women to answer letters in 2 weeks or even a month's time. One of the reasons is that it takes time and effort to write a letter in a foreign language. Ask her to not delay with her answers. The secrets of getting responses The trick is not only to get responses, but to get enough responses to give you plenty of choices. How many letters must you write to find Your Only One? There is no definite answer. One man can write 1 letter and fall in love with the perfect mate, another guy can send 50, and all his correspondence will inconceivably stop after 2-3 letters. The result completely depends on you and the efforts you put in. Getting a 30-40% response is normal. If you are young and good-looking, you will get more responses than if you are old and ugly, it is just natural. Don't choose women who are too young, and you will ensure that you'll get some responses. To get a better response, you should send a self-addressed envelope AND an international coupon of post-response (you can buy it from the postal service). You must send both coupon and self-addressed envelope. Use special stationery, like bright colors, and non-standard size envelopes and matching paper. Yes, it is an old trick, but it works. If you contact a lady via an email forwarding service, pay for her response. A letter with a pre-paid answer has twice more chance to be responded to than one without it! The postage to send a letter from Russia is about $0.30 but it's still lots of money if your day's salary is only $2. Sending an email message using a Russian postal service will cost a woman $0.50-$2. Don't forget to mention in the body of your message that you have pre-paid her response, so she should just send her letter to a representative in Russia. Tell in the body of your message that you want to hear from her anyway, even if she is not interested. If you ask for a response, you have a better chance of getting it. (Actually, it is applicable to any aspect of relations with Russian women - if you want something, ask. If you ask nicely, you'll get it. Seriously!) Another thing that works wonders: translation. Russians have no need to use foreign languages in their everyday life, and even if a woman can speak English, she struggles with reading letters. I studied English for 6 years at school, 3 years at University and 1.5 years at different language courses; successfully passed TOEFL, and on job interviews with foreign companies they always marked my knowledge as A-level. Even so, I have to admit that I didn't read all the letters that I used to receive -- because of the problems with English! How can I explain it correctly.… In which language would you like your wife to say, "I love you"? In your native language, or, for example, Turkish - even if you know what the words mean? When you get 10-15 letters a day, you just look through photos, and then decide whose letters are worth reading. If your letter is in Russian, it will be read 100%. You can express yourself and be assured that all your phrases will be understood correctly. I would suggest you translate at least your first letter. You need to translate it only once, and then you can use it to introduce yourself to all the women. Make sure your translator will make an adequate translation. Literal translation makes a brilliant English letter sound stupid and hardly understandable. The better your English, the worse it will sound. Software translation is horrible: to get the feeling, translate your letter to Russian, and then BACK to English - you'll see what it looks like. It is a good idea to send a copy of your first letter. Russian postal services are not 100% reliable; letters may be stolen or lost (though not that often as dating agencies say). Always make it not later than a week after the first one, and put something extra in the envelope (a different photo, a brief letter describing your life in the past few days, etc.). It is boring to receive exactly the same letter again. Do not forget to mention that it is a copy. Some men do get a 100% response; again, it highly depends on you. The first letter is the most important and you must ensure that it will be special. There is no second chance to make a first impression. Send it using email forwarding or a courier service if a woman doesn't have email address - it will show the lady your genuine interest. Start the letter with "Hello" or "Hi". Addressing with the word "Dear" has an intimate nuance in Russian so you'd better keep it for the time when you know each other well. Introduce yourself and tell her where you found her address. The worst beginning for your letter is "I was taken by your beautiful picture", or "I find you very beautiful and I am hoping that your inner beauty is as strong as your outer." First thing, women want to be appreciated for their personal qualities, not appearance. Second, in Russia the word "beautiful" means something different than in the western world. Here every good looking woman is called "beautiful". In Russia you are beautiful only if you are a beauty queen or a photo model. If you are not - you are only attractive. When a woman receives a letter with "You are so beautiful" phrase, she thinks you are not writing to her as a person, you just liked the picture of her that shows her in the way she does not look every day (especially when she is up in the morning), and that you actually are mistaken about her appearance because otherwise you would not call her "beautiful" - she knows she is just "attractive". You mean to make her feel better, but in reality you make her feel worse about herself - you are looking for somebody who is beautiful, and she is not. You can say "I liked your photo" but even this can turn the woman off. They don't want to feel like items on display. They want to be appreciated as human beings, for what they are and not for what they look like. (I wonder how would you feel if somebody said to you "You car looks very nice; I hope you are as nice person as your car looks like"?) Your letter must be interesting to read. Good humor is the best way to make reading fun but don't be a clown. Never make jokes about the girl's appearance, her English, etc. Better to laugh at yourself than to laugh at her. The necessary details to mention: your age, weight, height; marital status, children, education, occupation, religion, smoking, drinking (very important!), personality, interests, hobbies and the things you love, as well as the place where you live. Don't make it a list; the letter must be alive and express your heart and soul rather than to be "correct". It must be rather a story than a questionnaire. The optimum length of the letter is 1-2 pages. Keep it reasonably short but long enough to give a lady all the essential information. You are not going to get responses if your letter consists of only 3-5 sentences. An important question to consider is whether to print the letter or use handwriting. Hand-written letters are definitely more personal but sometimes your handwriting can become somebody's tough reading. On the other hand, handwriting takes a lot of time and if you send your letter of introduction to 20 girls, imagine how much time it can take! Do not send photocopies if you want a girl to think you respect her. If you decide to go with handwriting, write in block letters. Computer-generated letters are easier to read (and you always can have a copy to go back to if necessary). You can use many ways to make your letter personal – write a few words by hand, draw a picture or glue her name made of ribbons, it's up to your imagination and inspiration. The most important principle in seeking a partner via the Internet: BE YOURSELF!!! This is applicable to any search for a relationship, but in the case of Russian women you must follow this rule as if it was inscribed on stone tablets handed down from Heaven. Do not try to be somebody different than you are. Be intriguing and sophisticated; be your best - but YOUR best. False is what a girl can feel, and Russian women have very good intuition. Any person is interesting in and of himself, and it's not necessary to add qualities you don't have. When you are yourself, you have a better chance to find your real soul mate. Honesty pays back - you won't have to act or apologize for the untruth you told when you meet each other in person. If you love parties and big groups, you can say: "I am a very open person and have lots of fun spending time with friends". If you feel better at home and have only a few friends, say: "I love to relax at home watching TV or reading an interesting book. I don't have many friends but the ones I have are really good ones." If you can borrow money from a guy after a 20-minute acquaintance, you can say: "I feel great even in the company of 20 strangers and I easily find friends everywhere". If you never ask anybody in an unknown office building where the toilet is, even while having a diarrhea attack, you can say: "I always try to manage problems myself and I don't burden people who are close to me". Stay honest to avoid attracting the wrong women, but give your qualities in a positive way.Be yourself, but show the best of yourself! Sending a nice picture of you with the first letter is a must. You, at least, should like it. Your face must be big enough to see the expression of your eyes. Pictures of you at home or doing something are the most desirable. Natural poses and surroundings can say more about you than a professional picture from a studio. A letter without a photo looks impersonal and has 70% less chance to be responded to. Even if you have a super body, don't send a photo in a swimming suit. (You can send such a picture later, but it must be a photo, for example, from a beach or gym, not a studio.) You can leave your shirt unbuttoned or put on a tight T-shirt if you want to emphasize your body sculpture. And never - NEVER! - send a cut photo. Some men still contrive to send a half-cut photo with somebody's hand on their shoulder! When sending a photo to be placed in newspapers or catalogues, send a professional one, a portrait. An average non-professional photo looks terribly ugly after scanning and printing. Smile nicely, and try to look friendly. It is simple, but some people do forget the simplest rules. When sending a photo with your email message, send it in JPEG format and make the size of the files as small as possible (it must not exceed 20-30Kb). There are different graphic optimization software products available, I simply use PhotoDraw from Microsoft Office 2000. Never send photos in .bmp format - they take years to download. Some Russian service providers require people to pay for the size of messages received.
Some agencies give examples of "good letters". Don't follow patterns, otherwise your letter will be the same as a dozen others. If you still want to use patterns, at least change expressions and order. Using email for corresponding with Russian women is very specific. Many men complain that they don't receive responses to messages sent. When you send a letter to a woman, think of the kind of letter you would like to receive. Sometimes women receive letters consisted of 1 or 2 lines, telling something like "Hi, my name is John, I am from USA, I saw your ad on the Internet and would like to correspond with you. Cheers." Would you bother to answer a letter like this?Probably. But Russian ladies are in a completely different situation. The majority of women do not have computers at home or work, and get access to email only at their dating agency, postal services or Internet cafes. Usually a woman will be informed by the service that they received a letter for her, and asked to come and collect it. If for you it will take a couple of minutes to respond an email, for her it will take 30-60 minutes only to reach the place, not to mention the time for reading and translating your message. If a lady does not have everyday access to email, she may check her mailbox only once a week or occasionally. Using email facilities is not cheap in Russia. Women have to pay a standard fee for each message received + extra for the size (kilobytes) and printing. If she must spend her time and money to just receive a stupid message like the one mentioned above, it can hardly make her happy. She has to pay for sending responses, too. Respect ladies' requirements to a partner. If she wants to meet a man 25-40 years old, and you are 52, rather write to another woman. You should already have some basic info about a lady from her personal page in catalogue. Let her know a little about you.Why must she bother and write you back? Give her a reason. If you want to increase your chances of receiving a positive response, send a detailed letter and attach a nice picture of yours. You don't need to send 4-5 photos with the first letter. Many ISPs in Russia require from clients to pay for kilobytes transferred, and sending a couple of large pictures can put your lady on a diet for a week. They also must pay for the connection time, and downloading large attachments can cost a fortune if a person uses 14,4K modem or less.Choose the best photo, make size of the file reasonably small (I am about kilobytes not pixels) and send in JPEG format. For sending to women your photo should be about 10 x 15 cm and not more than 20 Kb in size. You don't need the highest quality - if your face is big enough, it's enough. A picture should feature only you, not your whole family or a party with friends. Do NOT send photos with another woman even if she is just a friend.
Your first
letter must include the following information: A lady may have no facilities to respond you via email, or it can be too expensive for her. Giving your postal address will ensure better chances to get an answer. Your letters may go through anonymous email servers. If a lady receives your letter only in a printed version (for example, in her dating agency) and your email address is not included, she won't be able to respond. Do not make your first letter a never-ending story. One, maximum two pages is enough. Check your spelling and grammar before sending, better still, compose letters in a word processor, then copy and paste in the body of your messages. Many agencies play on men's desire to cover ladies expenses for email. The best way of doing that is through email-forwarding company, paying for ladies responses. When you are confident about the lady, you can send money for covering her expenses directly to her via Western Union (you must never do it if she asks about it in her first or second letter, rather forget about this girl). Actually, any woman can find money for sending and receiving emails if she wants to - and if she does not correspond with couple of dozens other men. Remember that every girl would like to be special. She will appreciate the efforts you spend to win her heart. Sending a letter or a postcard every day or week can work wonders! Behave as if you are already good friends, and don't be shy to show your interest in her. Women like insistent men. Even if you received a negative response from a girl but really interested in her, ask her to let you stay her friend and keep in touch. Chances are, she'll change her mind or her current romance won't work out. Photos are good means to make your acquaintance personal but use it in the right way – it must be something special and, of course, recent. Don't send photos with every letter if all the difference between them is the color of your shirt. If you plan to visit the woman's country, tell her about it in the very beginning to assure her that you are not writing because of boredom or for entertainment. After a couple of letters you can phone your girl. You may phone even right after you sent your first letter, just to tell her that you did, and inform her, that she is going to receive a detailed letter from you one of these days. Make sure she will remember your name. Speak slowly and choose simple words because it's more difficult to understand somebody by phone than face to face. Phone your lady from time to time, and listen attentively to her voice. Is she enthusiastic? Does she sound as she was waiting for your call or it's just a politeness? Is she interested in your life or just shortly answers your questions? Even is a lady does not have a home phone number, ask her to arrange your conversation through friends, with definite date and time when she will expect your call. If she does not speak English, use conference call services, but you must try to talk to her otherwise your relationship feels unreal to her. Sending flowers or gifts can have a decisive impact to your relations. It shows your genuine interest and care about her. Don't forget to send greetings with her birthday, Christmas and New Year, Valentine's day and the Women's Day (see Russian holidays for details) or just because you want to lighten her day! Even if you can't afford to send a gift, post a nice card with greetings written by hand. However, do not try to impress a lady only by sending her gifts. Yes, it is very nice to receive flowers from your pen friend, but nothing can replace lack of personal communication. Don't hope that only because you sent her flowers she will prefer you to another guy. A lady may appreciate your sending her $50 to pay for her English lessons more than sending a $150 bunch of roses. However, she is likely to refuse if you offer her financial help. All this money regarding matters are very personal.Better avoid offering money to ladies - and never even think that you will be able to buy her affection! When you have made up your mind tell your lady about it as soon as possible. Don't correspond with dozens of ladies for months, try to make your choice quickly, usually 2-3 letters is enough to find out if a lady is what you are looking for (or at least say for sure that she is not). Don't waste your and her time. Women may have some more correspondents and also will have to make a decision. Ask a lady if she feels you are right for each other. Whenever in doubt, don't hesitate to ask directly. Be honest yourself. Be persistent but gentle. The things are: women feel very insecure; and a lady may make her choice in favor of the first insistent candidate who finds enough courage to visit her. There are 3 ways to meet each other. 1. You visit her It's undoubtedly the best option - and the most convenient, especially if you can afford to travel and your girl lives in a big city (preferably not far away from Moscow). In small towns you will definitely have language problems (very seldom serving staff speaks English), and a trip to the destination won't be very comfortable. You will be able to meet the girl's family and friends; it is the wonderful opportunity to see a woman in her everyday environment, she will be natural in her relation to other people in her life – and this experience is invaluable. (Russian visas and list of Russian Embassies) 2. You meet in Moscow, St. Petersburg or Kiev (or even in the third country) This variant may be the most convenient for both of you. You can book two rooms in the same hotel and have lots of fun sightseeing together. But this way is more expensive and none of you can see more than the other one in person. No one is completely relaxed and in a familiar situation. 3. You invite her to visit you (not applicable for the USA and Canada) She can buy a tour (in this case she won't have problems with visa) or try to get the visa herself (using your official invitation if necessary). It's an exciting experience for a girl especially if she has never been abroad. It's also a perfect chance to impress her (the standards of life are really different). And, after all, it's a place where she is going to live! Russian travel agency can organize an individual tour for her if there is no a standard one. You are supposed to pay the expenses but usually it's cheaper than for you to go to Russia. (It's extremely difficult for a single woman to receive a visitor's visa to some countries like USA or Canada, almost impossible. So if you reside in one of those countries, make your mind from the beginning that you will have to go to the other end of the world.) You can consider any of the ways, and it's also must suit your girl. The tour organized for you by a travel agent usually will be cheaper than any of marriage agencies' tours, but marriage agencies know Russian realities better and will be able to help you with translation services, choosing a good quality hotel in a particular Russian city, or organizing an individual tour specially for you. If you decide to invite a girl to your place, it will be wise not to send her travel expenses directly to her. Buy the ticket yourself at your travel agent so only you will be able to receive a refund, and she will be able to pick it up at her local office. If she needs money to come to Moscow, tell her that you will refund her when you meet. If she is really interested in you, she'll find money for the ticket - the price for a train ticket usually will not exceed $40. Plan your meeting ahead of time. If she doesn't have a passport for traveling abroad ("foreign passport"), it can take up to 2-3 months to get it. You can ask if she has the passport in the beginning of your acquaintance, it will show your serious intentions. When you decide that you are good for each other or got engaged, you will face the problem how to bring your fiancйe into your country. The right way depends on the country. This question is particularly actual if you live in the USA. The best way to get into the country is receiving a fiancйe visa for your lady. It requires your meeting in person before application. Any other way will be more complicated or even impossible. Marrying in Russia may solve the problem, but it will take much more time to bring your wife into the country than your fiancйe (your wife goes under *family* visa that requires more documents). In many countries coming on *spouse* visa results in many restrictions in status while coming on *fiancee* visa does not. There are many attorneys who will assist you though you of course can do it yourself. If your relationship is genuine and you don't use tricks, you will eventually get it. Still, if you want to speed up the process, do hire a lawyer, or at least read some of Do-It-Yourself Fiance Visas Kits (better BEFORE you go to visit your girlfriend - there are some forms she will need to sign that are necessary for the visa application, and it will speed up the process considerably if you don't have to send them to her afterwards; usually they provide full set of necessary documents/forms with the Kit). Good luck!
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