Russian wedding protocol, part 1

• Part 1: Engagement and preparations for the wedding
• Part 2: The Wedding; Day 1
• Part 3: The Wedding; Day 2

Engagement and preparations for the wedding

Russian wedding protocol is quite different from what you are used to.

(I describe here an average wedding, the type all my friends and family had. Nowadays the new rich probably have something more Western-like, but the ordinary people's weddings still fit into this description.)

First of all, let's start with engagement. Frankly speaking, there is no such a thing. A man asks a woman if she marry him, that's it. No rings are given; no one is informed about the event excepting closest friends and family. If the man is gallant, he will give his lady flowers, but this is not mandatory.

Wedding is usually planned soon, within 1-3 months. The time depends on the department of registrations (ZAGS - department of registration of civil statuses, that is also responsible for registrations of births and deaths, divorces etc). The couple is supposed to apply in writing to the department of registrations asking to register their marriage. The department will give them available dates (when the registrar is available), but according to the law there must be at least 1 month of "waiting period". During Soviet time this period was 3 months, so the two had time to cool down. People in Russia marry early, and often one of partners collected the application form from ZAGS after an argument or something like this, to just hurt the other - reapplication is possible, but they have to pay a fee again, and would be given another waiting term. Still quite a few couples do not appear in ZAGS on the day of registration without a prior notice.

After the couple has applied to the department of registrations, they are considered being a bride and a groom; but Russians do not talk about being engaged, they say "They handed in the application". The planning of the wedding is very simple (I was amazed how much more complicated it is here!), and includes rings, brides' dress, cars, and reception. Such things as stationery, flowers, music, brides maids' dresses, and many others are not actual.

Russians call "engagement rings" the rings that the couple exchanges during the wedding ceremony. The two buy them together; the groom pays; this is the necessary part of the wedding protocol. Russian engagement rings are in reality just plain wedding bands of gold, without diamonds or stones, and they wear them on the RIGHT hand on the finger next to the "pinky". (An "engagement ring" on the LEFT hand on the same finger will mean for Russians that the person is divorced or widowed, i.e. is not currently married but was married before.)

I am often asked about how Russian sizes of rings correspond to western ones. It is easy. Russian sizes of rings are given in MILLIMETERS OF DIAMETER. So if woman's size is 17, it means the ring should be 17 millimeters in diameter. (1 millimeter = 0,1 centimeter).

Bride's dress is usually maid specially for the occasion because it's cheaper than buying it. Many women sew themselves. The others buy dresses, and sell them afterwards. There is no custom of giving the wedding dress to a daughter, and if somebody marries in her mother's dress Russians will think it's weird or that you don't have money to buy a new one. Hiring a dress is not typical. Most still opt for the traditional white dress, while few others go for a white or pale colored suit. Price for making the dress may be anything from $30 including fabric but rarely is more than $100, and if the woman makes the dress herself it may cost her less than $10 (depending on the fabric). Accessories may be hired.

The necessary part of the wedding ceremony is wedding train of several cars. Big black cars are considered in Russia as luxury (they used to be available for Soviet government elite only), and usually if the couple has money, they will hire at least one for the bride. The more cars are participating in the wedding train, the more proud the couple will be. Usually they ask all friends and relatives who have cars to join the ceremony. The cars are used to collect the bride, and go to ZAGS for registration ceremony.

The old days (before Perestroyka) the bride's family was supposed to pay for the reception, nowadays brides' and groom's families usually share expenses. The reception takes place at a restaurant/cafe or at groom/bride's home, the last option is more popular as it's more affordable. The biggest concern on the wedding is to have enough liqueurs. Wedding is the event where everybody must be drunk. Having plenty of food is typical for any Russian function, and wedding is not an exception. If you have enough liqueurs and food, the wedding is basically ready.

This is all about preparations for the wedding - it's not very complicated, is it? Next chapters will be about the wedding itself - and this is very interesting and special!

Next page: The Wedding; Day 1